Did Jesus' mother have a hard time getting Him to bed? No really, I want to know. Did it take her a minimum of two hours? Does it take anyone else a minimum of two hours?! No? Just me? Well that's encouraging!
I'm sure y'all are thinking "Two hours?! What a pushover. Can't you just cut some stuff out? Be the parent." Fair enough. I'm probably a pushover. But right now, at the "interesting" age my children are, if I skip a step I get a 15 minute tantrum that adds another 15 minutes to the already longest bedtime ever. So for now, we deal. Maybe by the time they are 14 and 16 years old we won't have to turn our bed into a race car and watch Sofia the First before bedtime.
20 Grueling Steps it Takes to Get my Kids to Bed:
1. Shoulder Rides - As soon as the "bedtime alarm" goes off (yes, I have one of these), they insist on shoulder rides. It's especially fun when one parent is in charge of both.
2. Playtime in Mommy and Daddy's Room - They transform our bed into race cars, a boat, a roller coaster, etc. If there are clothes to be put away (so pretty much always), they put them on and play "mommy and daddy".
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| K trying to set up the boat. Note that E is wearing one of my tanktops. |
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| Playing "roller coaster". |
3. Shoulder Rides (round two) - More shoulder rides happen and Kenley shows me how high she can count. I've stopped teacher her to count.
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| My mom hair gets in the way. |
4. Bath & Shower - Not only do my kids take a bath, but now Kenley insists on a brief shower following. While John deals with this, I frantically chase Eleanor to get a diaper on before she pees everywhere.
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| Solo bath for E this particular night. Because K didn't want to get her scrape wet. But then she was okay with getting it wet, 30 minutes later, adding 30 extra minutes to bedtime. |
5. Bed Jumping - My two little monkeys jump on Kenley's bed while John struggles to get pjs on, de-tangle Kenley's hair, etc.
6. Books - While John is getting Kenley ready, I read books to Eleanor.
7. Snacks - All of this stalling apparently leads to huge appetites. Kenley practically eats a second dinner and Eleanor wants one single bite of everything her big sister has.
8. Television Show - We noticed that bathtime wounds our kids up so we decided to let them watch one television show before bed. And by them, I mean Kenley because Eleanor has no attention span for TV yet. And by watch, I mean act out. Kenley insists everyone play a character while it's on.
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| Sofia and "toast". K loves toast. Toast = bread, not toasted, with nothing on it. |
9. Pillow Play - Toward the end of whatever show Kenley is watching, she takes all of the pillows off of the couches and builds a nest to sit in. Then both girls fight on who gets to put pillows away. My kids FIGHT over who gets to clean up.
10. Upside Down Rides - John hangs Kenley upside down and swings her into the bathroom.
11. Teeth Brushing - Kenley is okay brushing her teeth but we fight to get Eleanor's brushed. They also both want to "floss", aka suck on floss, and put mommy's deodorant on before bed.
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| Just a little deodorant. 'Cause smelling good isn't just for daytime. |
12. Books (round two) - More books for both kids. And fighting while they both push eachother off of my lap.
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| The one night they DIDN'T fight over my lap. |
13. Kisses and Hugs - Lots of kisses and hugs for everyone, including stuffed animals. And then a tantrum from Eleanor because she doesn't want Kenley kissing her elephant.
14. Goodnight Spiel - "Goodnight, I love you. Did something happen? See you later alligator. Happy Father's Day (or whatever holiday is next)..." This goes on and on.
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| My view during her spiel. |
*At this point, I go and nurse Eleanor to sleep.
Steps 15-20 are what John has told me.*
15. Books (round 3) - John reads Kenley an infinite amount of books.
16. Potty (round 1, 2, 3) - I am pretty sure Kenley purposely doesn't get it all out on the first round.
17. Stuffed Animals - Play with them, name them, organize them on the bed, etc.
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| Stuffed animal madness. |
18. Pajamas Off - At this point, Kenley decides it's just way too hot for clothes, regardless of the temperature.
19. Snuggles - Lots of snuggles with daddy, because now she is too cold.
20. "I Love You" - By the time these three words are said, Kenley is FINALLY ready to go to sleep. Also, so are we.
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| Finally. |
I've had numerous people offer to watch my kids at night so John and I can go on a date. If you are one of those people, and just read this, are you sure you want us to take you up on that offer?
