It was a day we were both very excited about. A mommy/daughter shopping date full of giggling and catching up and soaking eachother in before she starts the big Kindergarten. And in the beginning of the day, it was exactly that! We had already picked up a few things from H&M, Nordstroms Rack, Gymboree, and Cotton On Kids. Cute outfits with rainbows, neon polka dots, rollerskating designs, and the like. All outfits very "Kenley". We shared a pretzel and talked about dance. Then, we went to our fifth store to get the last few things needed.
About a week prior, we had gone into this store and Kenley fell in love with a particular dress. This dress though, for me, was hideous. It was military green with gold paint splatters. It was baggy, needed to be ironed, and not flattering. She looked like a techie in a paint smock or a nurse at war. But what I disliked the most was that it was not "Kenley". My kids have been picking out their outfits since before they were 2 years old. They always pick out funky, wild, colorful items, mixing and matching patterns. Mini Punky Brewsters often looking silly but usually pulling it off. Why on earth would she fall in love with this dress?
"Mom, I LOVE this dress! It's perfect for my first day of school!" *Gasp* She not only wants the dress, but she wants to wear it on the first day of school? Her first day of school ever? In her first day of school photos that I will have forever? She wants to look like a techie war nurse the first time she meets her teacher, classmates, and classmates parents? You're a reflection of me kid! What will they think?!
Knowing she loved the dress, I agreed to purchase it but as the second day of school outfit. She seemed like that was fine until we got to the car.
"I think we got some great things Kenley! And that green dress *gulp* will be perfect for the second day of school." I looked in my rear view mirror and immediately, my heart broke. The silent tears streaming down her face. Truly devastated that she couldn't wear the dress on that first day. It was the saddest I have ever seen my child. And I felt like the worst mother ever. I did this to my kid. I crushed her dreams. I made her feel like that dress was not good enough. What have I done?! I have always been a cheerleader and encouraged my kids to wear whatever they want. Whatever they thought was beautiful. I was so consumed with what other people would think of her (and me) that I forgot about what she thought of herself. Who gives a rats ass what other people think if SHE feels confident?!
When I was a kid, I remember going back to school shopping with my mom, seeing items I thought were cute but saying "I like this but...it's not me." My mom's response was always, "If you like it, and you wear it, it's you!" She was right. I was rarely brave enough to purchase those items though, worried what other people might say or think. But Kenley, that kid is brave and confident in her style.
Feeling horrible, I agreed that the green dress would be a great first day outfit.
Horray! I'm a good mom again! Nope, not at all...
Shortly after coming home, I texted a girlfriend of mine and told her about this dress that I could not stand. She tried to help me come up with ways to make it look more fun and more colorful. Bedazzle the shoes? Pink ribbon shoelaces? A funky hairstyle and socks to take the eyes off of the dress? Perfect! I'll do all of those things.
Later that day, we returned to the store because we had forgotten a few things. I thought perfect, maybe I can convince her this time around to pick a different first day outfit. Who am I?! Had I not learned my freaking lesson?! Walking through the racks, John says, "Kenley, why do you like that dress so much?". A question I had never thought to ask. "Because I love that color green!" Aha! We didn't buy her any other green things. Let's find something else that is green! She found a military green vest with white and pink zigzags and equally fell in love with it. Okay, this I can get behind! She looks like Sargent Pepper but it's fun, funky, "Kenley", and I dig it! We both agreed this would be for day one and the dress would be for day four. Which is exactly what happened.
 |
| The dress on day 4 |
I write this as a confession, a reminder to myself, and to encourage other parents to let their kids express themselves. If your kid wants to wear something you think is hideous but makes them feel awesome, let them! Learn from my mistake. They should wear what they want! In about 13 years, when my kid has graduated from High School, is out in the real world going on interviews, she likely won't be able to wear whatever she wants.
Seize the day! Do you Kenley! If you love it, wear it. I promise to never get in the way of your style. With one exception; you don't wear slutty clothes as a teenager.
Several outfits from her first couple weeks at school
